a sad day - from far away

tonight i was in dingle, ireland when i recieved the news

after 10 years my mom lost her fight with cancer

though i wish i was there, she was happy i was happy traveling, and knew she would always be with me

i will be home in minnesota soon - to be with my family and friends

now she is comfortable, and peaceful - and although i'm sad beyond compare, i'm happy that she's in a better place

...tonight i had a whiskey and drank to her, to life and to life yet to be lived

perhaps

perhaps i should not be sitting here waiting to get on a plane to ireland -
prehaps i should have gone home instead -
perhaps i should not worry about it at all -
perhaps i should not have planned the trip at all -

perhaps i will have a great time -
perhaps i will regret my decision to go -
perhaps i will not enjoy the trip -
perhaps i will never come back -

perhaps we should have done a bit more planning -
perhaps we should have a place to stay booked for tonight -
perhaps we are underestimating driving on the "other side of the street" -
perhaps we are going to stumble upon an amazing "planning be damned" trip -

perhaps i should save my money -
perhaps i should quit my job -
perhaps i should move out of LA -
perhaps i should just shut the hell up, finish my days work, get on a plane, have a great trip, worry but not too much and just get on with it.

***in Ireland, i don't know where i'll be so i can't tell you how to find me...back on sunday***

and Irish Thanksgiving

I went out walking
Through streets paved with gold
Lifted some stones
Saw the skin and bones
Of a city without a soul
I went out walking
Under an atomic sky
Where the ground won't turn
And the rain it burns
Like the tears when I said goodbye

Yeah I went with nothing
Nothing but the thought of you
I went wandering

I went drifting
Through the capitals of tin
Where men can't walk
Or freely talk
And sons turn their fathers in
I stopped outside a church house
Where the citizens like to sit
They say they want the kingdom
But they don't want God in it

I went out riding
Down that old eight lane
I passed by a thousand signs
Looking for my own name

I went with nothing
But the thought you'd be there too
Looking for you

I went out there
In search of experience
To taste and to touch
And to feel as much
As a man can
Before he repents

I went out searching
Looking for one good man
A spirit who would not bend or break
Who would sit at his father's right hand
I went out walking
With a bible and a gun
The word of God lay heavy on my heart
I was sure I was the one
Now Jesus, don't you wait up
Jesus, I'll be home soon
Yeah I went out for the papers
Told her I'd be back by noon

Yeah I left with nothing
But the thought you'd be there too
Looking for you

Yeah I left with nothing
Nothing but the thought of you
I went wandering

the unreality of reality

10 years ago my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and she fought it with the mayo
3 years ago it flared up out of remission, and she fought it with the mayo
3 weeks ago she was told the mayo couldn't help anymore

they wouldn't say how long, but said to expect months instead of years - they recomended calling hospice - none of us really know what to feel, and are trying to continue on as we normally have been for the past, well forever.

it's hard to put into words, it's hard to understand, it's hard to look down the road and realize what will be missed the most -

it's also hard to not dwell on this, to focus on the good, to make the most of the days, the weeks, the months, the years god willing, but that's what we'll do. be strong, be sad, but continue to be....

Looking for the Eddypolusa Page?

Well, as it is the off season, I have decided to forward that pgae to my blog page. So if you care to read about the goings on in my world feel free to take a peak around - and if you really only want the Eddypolusa page, it should be back after the holidays.