i had no idea

for the first time since it happened, i'm sitting down and watching CNN. my life and my job had kept me from watching the news, i hadn't turned on the news in weeks. I had read, i had an idea, i had heard a friend tell me she would watch the coverage and cry...i didn't understand until tonight. black, white, latino, it doesn't matter - it's staggering to imagine what these people have gone through. the special i was watching cut to a commercial and i got up to go to the bathroom and realized that down there, there are no commercials, there is no break. this is as real as it gets. there is no political blame, no reasoning, no comprehending unless you were there. i was supposed to be working in Baton Rouge on a movie there but turned it down at the last minute. i can't imagine what it would have been like if i had said yes - instead i'm here working on a show about a make believe hurricane. it kind of makes me sick - part of me wishes i would have been down there. maybe i could help, could do something. i tell you this, i think if i was there, i wouldn't come back and mindlessly work on movies anymore. god it's like 9/11 all over again. out here in LA no one has any idea, it seems that even fewer really care. it's sickening, it's sad, it's terrifying. I'm currently living on a major fault line - what if it happened here...maybe it really is time to get out and do something that matters....